Madonna… You Wanna?

Adult men fighting for an odd-shaped ball, dressed in heavy padding and running back and forth along a wide, painted field doesn’t excite me as it does the rest of this country.

On Super Bowl Sunday you can usually find me watching part of the game and a few commercials — because of peer pressure — but busying myself with anything else for the rest of the night. Usually.

The first time I heard Madonna’s name linked with the biggest football game of the year, my interest sparked and this time the Super Bowl stayed on at my house. Honestly, I was expecting a provocatively-dressed woman singing and dancing with dozens of half-naked men twirling around her; a slightly off-key Madge trying to cover up her weaknesses with loud music and awkward back up singers. Boy, was I surprised. But not in the usual way.

“7 minutes ’til Madonna!” The announcer made me rethink my intention of a bathroom break — I was not missing the Material Girl, even though she decided not to sing that trademark song. As the first half of the Super Bowl was being analyzed and predictions were being made for the next half, my eyes were glued to the background where Madonna’s team was visible setting up the performance. The stage lit up in different sections with bright, vibrant colors. The reporters wrapped up the football info and the cameras swerved to capture Madonna’s “most nerve-wracking” performance.

I was looking forward to her classic songs: “Open Your Heart”, “Vogue”, “Material Girl”, “Holiday”, “Borderline”, “Like A Prayer”, “Express Yourself”… not “Gimme All Your Love”, the new, annoying, 21st century pop try-hard song.

Hundreds of strong men marched into the field, bringing about a feeling of intimidation, like a Queen was about to make a grand entrance. Not to fail, as a Queen is exactly how Madonna presented herself. More specifically as Cleopatra, dazzled in a gold gown with a horned crown adorned upon her head. She revealed herself behind a ripple of huge leaf-like flags, demanding everyone to “strike a pose” as she fantasized about being Queen.

She cleverly moved from “Vogue” to “Music” by transforming the sound and blending the end of the former to the beginning of the latter. However, I couldn’t help but quizzically stare at her when she broke into “Music.” Mainly because I watched one of her interviews where she was asked what a worse world would be: a world without sex, or a world without music. She said sex. Maybe “Music” was originally called “Sex” but her producers made her change it… “Sex makes the people come together…” It fits!

Anyone would be nervous for the Super Bowl: lights beating down on you, thousands of cameras constantly clicking, millions of viewers at home… So much pressure to perfect the performance. But Madonna is a legend, a pop icon of her time, and still rallying popularity today. Her impact on the music industry is ever present, even if she’s reaching age 54 this year and her musical era is slowly slipping away. Her nerves shouldn’t have taken over and convinced her that she isn’t good or famous enough to put on a spectacular show by herself; that she needed to bring in new, immature artists to gain fame again.

The first spotted guest in her show: LMFAO. Really, I think the name says it all. This group is childish and is always seen taking clothes off, and singing about sex. Ah, now I see why Madonna chose them. Speaking of taking clothes off, as one of the LMFAO members went to rip part of Madonna’s skirt off — as planned — the camera caught her looking down in shock and saying “What?!” when it didn’t immediately come off all the way. Wardrobe malfunction? Come on, don’t pull a Janet.

After Madonna twisted around and reminded everyone that she knew that she is sexy, cheerleaders invaded the stadium and began chanting the words “L-U-V Madonna! Y-O-U you wanna!” The song was naïve and — forgive me, Madge — a little bit stupid. Nicki Minaj and M.I.A. were featured here, and Minaj creepily bugged her eyes out and smiled way too hard, making the performance uncomfortable. Not that it wasn’t uncomfortable anyways: cheesy lyrics, fumbled dancing (ha — fumbled!), pom poms, and M.I.A. showing us the middle finger. She claims she didn’t mean to, of course! Hmm…

The song ended — thank God — and Madonna belted “Open your heart, I’ll make you love me” over a marching drum beat. Cee Lo dropped in (surprise!) and eased the transition from the schoolgirl peppiness into a “real” Madonna song. I was delighted that she was finally singing what I wanted to hear, but not for long. “Open Your Heart” quickly morphed into “Express Yourself” (now only somewhat excited) which took on the role of “Like A Prayer”. Happy, but disappointed. The Queen entered her final piece as the stage ate the entire football field in one bite and a church choir surrounded Cee Lo and herself. Her dress was half embellished with black glitter and was slit down the middle. Not your typical church dress, but hey, how often does the Sex Goddess go to church?

“Like A Prayer” was ending, as was Madonna’s show. She stepped up onto a square platform that was just perfect for her size and it was obvious what was happening next. Nonetheless, I watched with interest as blue smoke shot out from underneath her and the stage ate her as well. “WORLD PEACE” glittered as the cameras started zooming out, and again I doubted the truth behind the message. Sure, it’s a great idea and one day someone may witness it, but does Madonna believe that?

Contrary to most of this post, I did find parts of the show impressive. Her set in the beginning as Cleopatra was stunning, and her transition from one song to the next was flawless. For her age she was the Dancing Queen of the night, she was constantly strutting her style and moving like she was 19. I felt offended that Madonna was lip syncing — cheating the audience out of an authentic performance. But I do understand that it was hard to focus on song lyrics with so many other things swirling in her head.

Unfortunately for Madonna, Twitter users created #madonnalipsync and several other negative Madonna-related hashtags. Lady Gaga’s name appeared in several Tweets — some saying “Gaga, that is how it’s done!” others saying “It should have been Gaga!” Despite all the mistakes and synthetic-ness, Madonna put on a good show that will be remembered for her royal presence and wild dance moves — and we still all L-U-V Madonna… Right?